peace + love = information

Joey's List

of isms to learn… 1. socialism 2. utilitarianism 3. existentialism 4. nihilism 5. realism 6. transcendentalism 7. idealism

Nate's List

Bands to listen to… 1. Telliott Smith                                                                                           2. The Strokes 3. The Smiths 4. Kings of Leon 5. Arcade Fire 6. Jenny Lewis 7. Ratatat 8. Neleo Case (illegible) 9. Feist 10. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah 11. Peter Bjorn + John 12. Radiohead 13. Willo/Wilco (illegible) 14. Band of Horses 15. Fleet Foxes 16. Daft Punk 17. Broken Social Scene 18. Beirut 19. Regina Spekter 20. LCO Soungsystem 21. The Cure 22. Joanna Newson

Noel's List

1. (learn more about) Julius Caesar 2. (learn more about) Writ of Habeus Corpus 3. Punch Sam Kiki in the face/mabos 4. (learn more about) Frederick Douclass

Hope's List

1. Skydive 2. Be the passengar/drive a race car 3. Get belly button pierced 4. Get a small tattoo 5. Be naked in front of a person 6. Suck a …./have sex with a man 7. Get on stage and read something deep and personal to an audience 8. Go backpacking through Europe with no phone 9. Go base/bridge bungeeing 10. Scuba Dive

so…the sweetest thing in my house is my mothers citrucell…hmm.

The Constant Lover

In recent days, I’ve been thinking that I have been a little unfair to Mike. Perhaps I have even been less fair than he has (which means a lot). Today was the icing on the cup cake. Mrs. Heckman was reviewing Sir John Suckling in British Literature today and was commenting on his “playboy” status and how to some, being shallow could be an endearing quality.

I concluded that there are things in the world that are far worse in the world than being shallow. I do not consider myself shallow, nor do I desire to be. I also feel that for the most part, Mike’s shallow nature is topical and will fade with maturity. One could be a manipulative egotist like Brian for instance.

I than thought further that my relationship with Mike has not truly hurt either of us. Physical harm I suppose could have come from it, but as a person ruled almost entirely by my heart, I do not fear physical harm. By fate and a little bit of mutual self control, no one got physically hurt.

In fact, my relationship with Mike has done me quite a bit of good. My knowledge/relationship with him has expanded my previously non-existant sense of “self” in the physical sense. Although I do not intend to let this be central to who I am as a person, I do believe that it is an integral part of being in relationships as well as being human.

How terrible of me to expect him to buckle down and forsake his playful nature. It is as unfair of me to expect him to open up emotionally as it would be for him to demand that I sleep with him.

There is in fact nothing wrong with just being friends and I feel like now that I’ve distanced myself a little the smoke is clearing a little bit. I’m realizing that I could potentially just take it playfully, but I don’t know that I want to anymore. I guess I no longer have that fear of getting hurt. I feel like I could package each kiss and send it off, but I will leave it up to him.

Hopefully he’s expanded who he is in terms of his emotinal development, but if not I can’t kill myself. The only instance in which guilt over our relationship would be appropriate is if I maliciously attacked/exploited him. I have not.

So that’s that. I’m moving on. I maintain my fondness for him, but I am not constantly bothered by it. I would love it if he would hold my hand. I would love him even if he didn’t.

Moving on.

Do you ever speak when you don't want to?

I do.